Is Anger and Conflict Hindering Your Spiritual Growth?
Love is the supreme value in the kingdom of God. Anger and conflict block out love. There is probably no greater challenge to spiritual growth than how you handle anger and conflict.
"If your brother sins against you, go and SHOW him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over." -- Matthew 18:15
Seven steps to resolving conflict:
1. IF THERE IS CONFLICT
4. TO THE PERSON
5. IN PRIVATE
6. AND DISCUSS THE PROBLEM
7. FOR THE PURPOSE OF RECONCILIATION
Discussion of the steps:
Acknowledge the conflict. Conflict is normal; it is a part of human nature. Lack of conflict does not equal maturity.
You must do something about it. Why don't we face up to resolving conflict? Pride, Fear, Stubbornness.
Go means go or approach. Go does not mean avoid or pray or think or forget. But before going, ask yourself:
Why am I angry? There are three major reasons that we get angry:
What do you want?
Go directly to the person involved. NO third parties, no mediators, no friends. Conflict is inevitable. Resentment is OPTIONAL. Resolution is up to you.
Talk in private. Be sensitive. Approach the other person as you would like to be approached.
Anger Myth: The best way to handle anger is to ventilate it.
Reality: Ventilation only reinforces anger. It is also not appreciated by those ventilated on. It accomplishes nothing positive in either person.
Use DIRECT communication.
Describe clearly what you observed. (Example: "You didn't listen to what I said.")
Explain how it hurt you. (Example: "My opinion doesn't matter to you.")
Tell what the consequences have been. (Example: "I'm feeling quite resentful." or maybe "I feel like knocking you out when you treat me like that.")
Ask for what change you would like. Change implies more than simply an apology, although an apology is often a good place to START.
Aim at reconciliation. The goal is to restore the relationship. The goal is not to prove who was right, not to get back at someone, not to avoid the situation, not to turn away and forget.
For His Glory
Disciple Big Beard